The Gamer's Guide to Getting the Girl Read online

  Copyright © Kristine Scarrow, 2019

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise (except for brief passages for purpose of review) without the prior permission of Dundurn Press. Permission to photocopy should be requested from Access Copyright.

  All characters in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  Cover Image: istock.com/chuckchee

  Printer: Webcom, a division of Marquis Book Printing Inc.

  Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

  Title: The gamer’s guide to getting the girl / Kristine Scarrow.

  Names: Scarrow, Kristine, author.

  Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20189067764, Canadiana (ebook) 20189067772, ISBN 9781459744769 (softcover), ISBN 9781459744776 (PDF), ISBN 9781459744783 (EPUB)

  Classification: LCC PS8637.C27 G36 2019 | DDC jC813/.6—dc23

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  We acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts, which last year invested $153 million to bring the arts to Canadians throughout the country, and the Ontario Arts Council for our publishing program. We also acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Ontario, through the Ontario Book Publishing Tax Credit and Ontario Creates, and the Government of Canada.

  Nous remercions le Conseil des arts du Canada de son soutien. L’an dernier, le Conseil a investi 153 millions de dollars pour mettre de l’art dans la vie des Canadiennes et des Canadiens de tout le pays.

  Care has been taken to trace the ownership of copyright material used in this book. The author and the publisher welcome any information enabling them to rectify any references or credits in subsequent editions.

  — J. Kirk Howard, President

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  For all those who feel like misfits in the world:

  Stay true to you — you are perfect as you are. You were made for incredible things in this world. Believe it.

  TIP LIST

  Tip #1 Be brave in difficult circumstances

  Tip #2 Girls love a guy who’s good with babies

  Tip #3 Be a leader, not a follower

  Tip #4 Stand up for what’s right

  Tip #5 Girls like a guy who’s into their family

  Tip #6 When she chooses you, you’ll know

  Tip #7 Doing the right thing isn’t always easy

  Tip #8 Things aren’t always what they seem

  Tip #9 Never underestimate your strength and abilities

  Tip #10 Anger and jealousy are never the answer

  Tip #11 Admit when you’re wrong, apologize, and learn from your mistakes

  Tip #12 Earn her trust

  Tip #13 There’s always a rainbow after every storm

  Tip #14 Your true character is revealed when no one is watching

  Tip #15 Even if the princess doesn’t need to be rescued, she still likes a knight

  Tip #16 Accept setbacks as another part of the journey

  Tip #17 Tell her how you feel about her

  Tip #18 Kiss her like you mean it

  TIP #1

  Be brave in difficult circumstances

  Geeky, pubescent boys aren’t the only patrons at Gamer’s Haven on this Saturday, and that is a rarity. The only females we usually see in the place are middle-aged moms looking for gifts for their sons at Christmastime or their birthdays. Otherwise, the clientele is all about the same. There isn’t a dress code for the store, at least not one that we are aware of, but the standard gamer’s outfit is usually the same: a comic-inspired T-shirt, loose-fitting jeans that have to be continually hiked up because gamers don’t believe in belts apparently, and some Converse sneakers — well-worn and dirty. Most of us have shaggy hair that may or may not have been washed or combed, and we all look like we’re chronically tired; if one were to take a poll to see how many customers had purchased Monster Hunter: World on its release day, the tired eyes would be explained.

  It’s Cooper who tips me off to the girl in the store. Because Gamer’s Haven isn’t known as the place to find girls, no one usually pays much attention to who comes in. I’m in the zone playing Sea of Thieves when Cooper starts elbowing me.

  “Mess off, Coop. You’ll get your turn.” I shake him off with my hand in between plays.

  “Your loss, Zach.” Cooper turns on his heel and strides away. I whip my head around quickly to see what he’s so excited about, and then I see her.

  She’s wearing a denim skirt, purple suede knee-high boots, a bright orange T-shirt, and a rainbow-coloured scarf around her neck. Her auburn hair is pulled into a high ponytail, and the bottom of it almost reaches the base of her spine. Her arms are bare and pale. I can’t help but stare at her profile. I abandon the game and rush after Cooper, hoping to catch a better glimpse of the girl.

  She’s standing in front of the Zelda display. I could pretend that I’m buying it and make small talk with her. But what would I say? “Come here often?” “You like this game?” “Ever play this before?” All of it sounds lame. But I decide I have to rush in before Cooper does. I pick up my pace, but Cooper detours to the Okami HD display instead. He isn’t trying to show me the girl? His eyes were on something else instead? Was he crazy?

  I’m happy that he’s distracted by something else, but now I have to try to play it cool and get closer without her thinking I’m a total stalker. I move one display over and turn my head as casually as I can. She’s reading the back of a Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild case. Stray locks of her hair curl around her face. She’s wearing soft makeup, and when she looks back up toward the display, I can see her bright green eyes. She’s even more beautiful than I thought.

  I have a stunning burst of courage and decide to act on it before I never see her again.

  “Need any help?” I ask. She doesn’t even look up at me.

  “You work here?”

  “Uh, no. But I happen to know a lot about video games. Like the one you’re holding — it’s been popular in the gaming world for a couple of years now.” Maybe I can help with her decision-making.

  “But is it as good as Ocarina of Time or Twilight Princess?”

  I don’t mean for my jaw to hang open, but it does.

  “Because it seems to me that this interface is a lot less sophisticated than the one in Twilight Princess.”

  She finally looks up at me, just in time for me to close my mouth again.

  “You’re a gamer?” I ask.

  “If that’s what you want to call me,” she responds. “Is that allowed? Or are you going to tell me it’s a guy thing and I should move on to something a little more girly?” Her voice is bitter.

  “No, not at all!” I say, putting my hands up in front of my chest like I’m being arrested. “I think that’s awesome!”

  She steps closer, her long ponytail swishing toward me, and I can smell her shampoo, a combination of honey and coconut. I want to drink it all in, her smell, her eyes, the fact that the goddess gamer of my dreams is standing in front of me.

  “I’m not sure it’s worth the money. Honestly, I think I’ll wait for the next sequel.”

  She sets the pla
stic case down and turns to leave. I want to follow her, ask her more questions, and find out her name, but she turns so fast I just sputter nonsense to myself.

  “Hi, I’m Zachary. It’s so nice to meet you,” I whisper, holding out my hand for the now-invisible girl to shake. “You know, if I were you, I’d wait for the sequel. Better interface.” That could have gone so much better.

  “Dude, you missed it,” Cooper says over my shoulder. “Chris was unpacking the new shipment. Dissidia Final Fantasy is back in stock!”

  “Yeah, and you just missed the girl of my dreams walking out of this store.”

  I can no longer see her bobbing ponytail. She’s obviously exited the store and turned to the main mall corridor.

  “Okay,” Cooper says, rolling his eyes.

  “Mall closes in five minutes, boys,” the manager, Chris, calls out. I check my watch and, sure enough, it’s closing time. We are the only two customers left in the store. “You guys buying anything or can I cash out?”

  Neither of us has enough money; we like to come and play the demos when we’re bored and broke. Chris never seems to mind since we tend to buy our games from him when we do have money. When today turned into a stormy day, there wasn’t much else to do.

  “Go for it,” Cooper replies. He and I stand side-by-side, our hands stuffed in our pockets.

  “Sounds like the storm is picking up speed,” Chris tells us. “Was supposed to hit south of us but instead it’s veered north. They’ve issued a tornado warning.”

  “Really?” I say nonchalantly. Summer in Saskatchewan often means high temperatures, and with them there are often severe thunderstorms and tornado warnings. Most of the time the storms are nothing to worry about. The wind typically picks up, we get thunder and lightning, maybe some hail rolls through, and then things settle down. Someone may spot a funnel cloud or two, which may or may not touch down. Often the tornadoes touch down on open prairie and no one gets hurt. At least that’s how I think of the tornadoes we get.

  “Sounds pretty bad,” Chris continues. “I guess the high winds are causing a lot of damage already. A tornado touched down a couple of hours west. My wife called to say there’s been some flooding in different areas of the city. Apparently, my basement is taking on water.”

  We both groan. That happened at my house once, and it wasn’t fun. Dad and I waded around in our rubber boots in ankle-deep water trying to salvage what we could. You wouldn’t think a couple of inches of water could do much, but it wrecked almost everything.

  “Wanna go?” I ask. Cooper nods and we shuffle out of the store. The mall is practically deserted already. Cooper fishes for his car keys in the pocket of his hoodie.

  And then the lights go out.

  TIP #2

  Girls love a guy who’s good with babies

  “What’s going on?” Chris’s voice rises. The entire mall is black, except for the lit exit sign pointing to one of the entrances. Since we’re still in front of his store, we decide to go back in.

  “I thought I had a flashlight around here somewhere.” We can hear things spilling onto the ground as Chris fumbles in the dark.

  “Well, this is a first,” Cooper says. It sounds like he’s smiling. We both pull out our phones.

  “Need a light?” I ask Chris, using the flashlight on my iPhone.

  “Yeah, that’ll help.”

  The light from the iPhone is enough for him to discover that the flashlight he thought he had by the register is no longer there.

  “Maybe it’s in the back. You want to come and shine the light back there for me?”

  The three of us shuffle toward the storage room at the rear of the store. Chris kicks a couple of boxes out of the way so that the three of us can fit.

  “Careful. It’s a little crowded in here,” Chris warns.

  Boxes are stacked almost to the ceiling with stock for the store. Metal racks line one wall, and random pieces of shelving that have broken off litter the floor. There’s a small wooden desk against the wall, but the surface is so cluttered, it’s hard to know what anything is.

  “I’ll check this drawer,” Chris says, pointing to the right-hand side of the desk. I shine the light toward it.

  “Bingo!” Chris says. It’s a miracle he’d find anything in this room. He picks up a medium-sized black flashlight and flicks it on. It illuminates the room even more.

  “Maybe you should make sure your safe is locked,” Cooper says.

  “Good thinking. Thanks. I guess I’m feeling a little flustered,” Chris replies. “My wife is due to have a baby any time now. She called me earlier saying that she was starting to have contractions. It’s all I can think about.”

  “Wow. That’s cool. First one?” I ask.

  “Yup. It’s exciting, but I’m also scared out of my wits,” Chris admits.

  Cooper and I chuckle.

  Chris examines the safe and makes sure it’s locked. “Sure hope this power outage passes soon. Why don’t you boys head out? Get home before this storm gets any worse. I’m good now that I have this flashlight. Now I just have to find where I put my phone.” He starts rummaging through the papers on his desk.

  “Yeah, I better get home,” Cooper says. “It’s my mom’s birthday today and we’re going out for supper.”

  “All right, see you later, Chris.” I follow Cooper back out of the store.

  “Thanks for your help!” Chris calls out after us.

  The mall takes on a whole new atmosphere with the lights out. The metal security grates are already pulled across their store entrances. It feels more like walking through a dark prison than a shopping centre.

  We pass the food court and see that it’s deserted. All of the restaurants have closed up already. Only the red exit sign by the entrance glows. Outside the glass doors, it’s dark and gloomy; the rain is coming down in sheets.

  “It’s weird. There’s no one around. Did everyone go home already?”

  “Nope. Everyone’s over there.” Cooper points. Sure enough, down the next corridor there’s a group of about thirty people. As we approach, we see a security guard standing by the elevators.

  “I’m sorry, but none of you can go through here,” he says to the group.

  “I need to get home,” a man in a business suit grumbles.

  “Me, too,” echo a few others.

  “We cannot grant access to this area at the moment,” the guard repeats. He’s over six feet tall and easily three hundred pounds. He stands on the balls of his feet in front of the elevators and the stairway, poised like an Atari paddle playing Pong, ready to cover whatever area he needs to.

  “But my car is down there!” the man in the suit says, his voice rising.

  “I understand, sir, but you have to remain here until we can give the all-clear. With the power outage, we’ve encountered a situation.”

  “What kind of situation?” the man’s voice booms. “I’ve got a Porsche Cayenne down there. If anything happens to it, this mall is going to pay.” He tugs on his shirt collar, his face reddening.

  Cooper whistles under his breath. “Way to announce that, buddy.”

  Two guys in their mid-twenties smile, and one of them rubs his hands together. They’re both thin and wiry, with hair shaved into brush cuts, and facial hair carefully crafted into short goatees. They could easily be brothers. They’re wearing full track suits, one in navy and one in black, and white running shoes. One is wearing a gold chain-link necklace that hangs over a white shirt.

  “A Porsche, hey?” I hear one of them say. They lick their lips like Cheshire Cats.

  “Better hope that guy makes it to his car before those two do,” Cooper says, leaning into me. I laugh. He’s seeing the same thing I am.

  “What’s the problem?” a woman calls out.

  Others join in. “Yeah! What’s going on?”

  “It seems there’s been a water main break of some sort outside. We have to make sure it’s safe to exit.” The security guard’s ID tag hangs from a la
nyard on his neck. His name is George.

  “George,” I say, hoping that using his first name will help, “you’re saying we can exit through the other doors at least?”

  “It might not be safe there either,” George says.

  “Safe?!” the man in the suit pipes in. “Why wouldn’t it be safe?!”

  “It’s dark and there’s water everywhere. We can’t let anyone out at the moment, sir. I need you all to be patient while we figure this out.”

  A few people grumble. A woman starts pushing a stroller back and forth as the baby inside lets out a cry. A couple of middle-graders sprawl out on the floor and stare up at the ceiling.

  “Liam, Henry — get up. The floor is dirty!” the woman beside them urges. They just laugh and stay put. I can’t blame them. I want somewhere to sit, too. The only bench nearby is occupied by an elderly couple, which I’m glad to see.

  I’m getting antsy standing here.

  It’s hard to make out the faces of most of the people waiting unless you’re up close with them, but the darkness also makes it so that we can move around without everyone seeing us.

  “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Cooper asks. I’ve been looking around for an alternate exit.

  “Should we go back to the food court doors?” I whisper. “We can text our parents to come get us there.”

  “Yeah, but what about my car?” Cooper asks.

  “I know, but you have to go. Your parents can bring you back to get the car later.”

  Coop starts texting his dad so I start texting my parents, too.

  “Whoever answers first, that’s who’ll pick us up,” Cooper decides.

  My parents are at home as far as I know. Dad’s finishing our basement so that I can have my own room down there. I’m excited about it — I’m looking forward to the privacy and some distance from my ten-year-old brother, Marshall, who follows me around more than our dog, Jasper, whenever I’m home.

  “My dad’s drywalling today,” I remind Cooper.

  “Sweet. Operation Zach’s Lair almost complete …”

  My lair will be pretty lame next to Cooper’s. His family has a lot of money and pretty much gives him whatever he wants. He has half of the basement in his parents’ huge walkout estate. He has his own home theatre room complete with virtually every gaming system that’s ever come out. The only restriction they put on him is that he’s given an allowance for spending money and once it’s gone, he has to wait until the following month. The difference is, he gets about triple what I get in a month. I often struggle to keep up with what he wants to do based on how much money I have.